Napoleon Dynamite Script

Made by Lane has the complete Napoleon transcript, as well as MP3 audio clips from the movie. The text is provided “for educational purposes” only. Here’s the martial arts training scene:

Rex: My name is Rex, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of self defense that I developed over two seasons of fighting in the Octagon. It’s called Rex Kwon Do! I need a volunteer.

[Kip raises hand]

Rex: Okay, you’ll do. Come up here. Bow to your sensei. Bow to your sensei! Okay. Now I’m gonna give you one chance. One chance, people. Give me your best shot. All right. That was pretty good. Okay. Now, watch this everybody. Grab my arm. The other arm. My other arm. Okay, now watch this. I’m just gonna break the wrist and walk away. Break the wrist, walk away.

[Rex hits Kip in the wrist]

Kip: Geez!

Rex: Okay. It’s just that simple. Now, I want you to kick me. Come on. Kick me. Okay, do it again. Do it again.

Kip: Ouch.

Rex: Okay. You’ll block it every time. Have a seat. Now, in addition to what you just saw if you study with my eight-week program, you’re gonna learn these things. First off... Rex Kwin Do, we use the buddy system. No more flyin’ solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times! Second off, you’re gonna learn to discipline your image. Do you think I got where I am today because I dress like Peter Pan here? Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. Do you think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearin’ these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self-respect. Do you think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it! Now, for only $300, you can sign up right now for my eight-week program.

Philipp Lenssen on Friday, Dec 9 2005 reg. Napoleon Dynamite.